Crooked Straight | Sports, Kicks, Poker, Money, Music

Community Rises

2012-03-01T12:06:00.001-08:00

If you're a fan of Community (and really, I find it hard to believe you'd be awesome enough to be a Crooked Straight fan if you're not a Community fan), you'll love this mashup video almost as much as you love the news that the gang from Greendale will be back with new episodes on March 15th. #sixseasonsandamovie, bitch.

Throwback Thursday: "Dear Mama" -- 2pac

2012-03-01T10:00:00.000-08:00

Those close to me know that my mother has endured some major health issues over the last few weeks. It's been a stressful time, but I'm holding onto a cautiously-optimistic outlook. I want to dedicate this week's throwback to the woman who gave me everything I have in this world, and to remind her that I love her, and that she is appreciated.

Tail Report: Ashley Sky

2012-02-29T16:04:00.002-08:00

This is Ashley. What does Ashley do? Ashley looks incredible in lingerie and bikinis. Good enough for you? Yup, it's good enough for me, too.

#girlnextdoorswag

All Grown Up

2012-02-29T06:00:00.000-08:00

Ellie Kemper...mmm mmmMM mmm MMMM. In just a few short years, she's gone from geeky internet-skit girl...

...to quirky TV character actress...

...to Hollywood siren...

Yes, please. As one of DERRICK Comedy's early fans—pretty much the only people who even know who DERRICK Comedy is—I feel a sense of pride in seeing Ellie's growing success. Almost like an older cousin...you know, like fifth or sixth removed. A "cousin" you can still do stuff to without it being weird...

Tail Report: Jennifer Lopez (Oscar Night Edition)

2012-02-28T20:54:00.000-08:00

I thought about doing the standard "all the hot gals of the Oscars red carpet" post, but...I don't know. There were a few surprising showings (Ellie Kemper, who I'll get to in a later post, and Viola Davis' tasty treats are the first two to come to my bourbon-saddled mind), as well as some comical ones (I mean, Angelina...I wouldn't say "No" to her, but anymore she's the Peyton Manning of hot women: A big name with a Hall-of-Fame career, who at this point is damaged goods and a bit past her prime; she can still win a few games, but there's no way you'd stake your future on her—sorry Brad). But, on the whole, there just wasn't much for (straight) male eyes to enjoy. The one woman who did bring the "bang", though? Our favorite chica from the block. Both on the red carpet:

...and at the after-party:

Yes, that's a bang. Twice. Te amo, mami.

Grown Little Man

2012-02-28T14:31:00.000-08:00

Kev Hart watched the end of the NBA All-Star Celebrity game from the bench. But if you've gotta go, go with style.

Video: Profound & Ejoox -- "No Church in the Wild Remix"

2012-02-28T13:36:00.000-08:00

My dude Pro and his boy do the damn thing over Ye and Jay's "Church in the Wild" beat.

Auto Eroticism: Fisker Karma

2012-02-27T15:21:00.000-08:00

For once, buying a $100,000+ car may be fiscally responsible.

In addition to being American-made, the long-awaited Karma separates itself from its Italian, German, and British peers in the six-figure, "golddigger-radar-lock" category of automobiles by running on electricity (though it can also run on gas, depending how you toggle the settings in the cockpit). At 5300 lbs and only 400 bhp, the Karma is more tourer than sportscar (a bit of semantics that might help you justify spending $100K on a car that needs six seconds to go from 0-60 mph), but its modest performance is made much more tolerable knowing you're getting 30 to 40 miles per gallon.

From Tamara Warren and Life + Times:

The substantial 22-inch wheels seem to fit snugly to the big body. Side by side with a Maserati Quattroporte, it looked as if the Karma could have swallowed the Italian sports car. The Karma specs confirm my observations, weighing in at a hefty 5300 pounds. The 403 horsepower and 959 pound feet of torque make for respectable, if not fast and furious performance. The Karma climbs from 0 to 60 mph in 7.5 seconds in electric mode, and just under six seconds using the gasoline engine. It’s much more exciting to drive a Karma than, say a plug-in counterpart like the Nissan Leaf. But what this means is that the fuel economy is actually somewhere in the 30 to 40 mpg range for regular driving, 50 mpg on a mindful day of all electric driving. I had fun clicking a leaver between Stealth (all-electric) and Sport (gasoline power). Electric cars are by nature silent, but Fisker added in whirring sound effects that add drama to the drive experience.

The Karma is definitely pretty; but, to be honest, if this price range is realistic for me, I'd probably go with an M3 and spend the difference on gas. Though it does strike me as a perfectly good "wifey car". Maybe if Hiromi is extra good to me, I'll cop her one on her birthday. [It may also help her chances if she actually knew I existed. *cough*]

Monday Kickstart: They Shoulda Never Gave that Nucca Money

2012-02-27T09:39:00.001-08:00

[NOTE: This week's kickstart is coming a little later in the day than normal. That's partially due to some family matters of my own that took place last week. Hopefully I'll get caught up again soon.]

Strike 1 — WNBA jersey.
Strike 2 — Skinny jean cut-offs.
Strike 3 — Tube socks with canvas sneakers.
Strike 4 — Louis Vuitton cell phone case.

Key & Peele's series of Lil Wayne skits hit the nail on the head (with one small caveat: they really didn't address the fact that 95% of this rhymes are straight garbage); unfortunately, however, Comedy Central hasn't made any of those videos available for me to post. But no one walking around in a WNBA jersey and party socks (yeah, I brought that term back) should be claiming gangsta. You don't have to wear baggy jeans with big chains hanging from your neck to be tough, but you damn sure can't be dressed like a lesbian hipster and still pretend that you're thugged out.

As a sidenote, though, it's hilarious how it appears that everyone in the photo is doing their best not to stare at Wayne.

And now, for your workweek motivation, I'm going to turn the mic over to Ms. Francesca Frigo:

Couldn't have said it better myself, Francesca. Let's get it.

It's the Weekend

2012-02-24T12:00:00.000-08:00

Time to break out...

Throwback Thursday: "Respiration" -- Blackstar ft. Common

2012-02-23T10:00:00.000-08:00

Escuchela...la ciudad respirando...

In Case You Were Wondering...

2012-02-21T07:32:00.000-08:00

...Yeah, Rihanna's still delish.

Laissez Les Bons Temps Rouler

2012-02-21T07:19:00.000-08:00

Get your Mardi Gras on, y'all.

Redemption Song

2012-02-20T14:36:00.000-08:00

As the 2012 Grammy Awards pressed on, what would normally be a fairly innocuous situation—a famous R&B singer appearing onstage to perform one of his songs—quietly grew into something much more unsettling. While, at first, I gave no eclipsing thought to Chris Brown being a part of the ceremony, I slowly began feeling sick to my stomach. The realization of what I was seeing, of what it all meant, was disheartening, and shook my faith in humanity.

I wasn’t actually watching the Grammy Awards, though. [Seriously, if you’re not between the ages of 6 and 18, don’t actually know the artists themselves, and aren’t in the industry, then why the hell do you care about the Grammys? They haven’t been relevant in 30 years.] No, I was casting a casual eye towards Twitter, as it suddenly roared with a fervent, anti-Brown outcry.

Really, people? This is what lights your souls (and “send” fingers) on fire?

Let me clarify now [Don’t you just love that anytime someone casts a dissenting opinion these days, they have to simultaneously shield themselves from a witch hunt?] that I am in no way condoning violence against women. One more time: I AM NOT CONDONING VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN. I was raised by a single mother, who I love and cherish for everything she has done for me. She instilled in me every value I hold true, and taught me to employ the powers of reason, constructive thinking, and forgiveness. What happened between Chris Brown and Rihanna was a violent crime, and one for which Brown was rightfully convicted (though I feel the punishment doled out by the court was lenient; when you attack someone—man or woman—as brutally as he did Rihanna, jail time is warranted). I have two sisters, female cousins I love like sisters, a niece, several very close female friends…if someone ever did to them what Brown did, vengeance via that person’s slow, painful death may be all that I could accept in return.

…At first.

See, to sit here and contemplate such a terrible fate befalling one of my loved ones is only going to bring about the emotions that I would feel in that moment in which I learn of the attack. What would I feel three years later? Being a rational human being, I have to believe there would still be anger, but that it would be muted by understanding and empathy. This, in addition to opposable thumbs, is what millions of years of evolution has bestowed upon us: The ability to see things from more than one angle, to understand why the guilty did that for which they’re accountable; and the ability to understand that redemption may still be possible for him or her, despite the horrifying wrongs he or she has inflicted. The compassion it takes to accept that a flawed person needs time and support to overcome the demons that caused him to hurt others is an ancient concept in today’s world, thanks largely to Facebook and Twitter giving people a platform to express their unfiltered, in-the-moment thoughts before reflection and logic can refine them.

Just as putrid is the mob mentality that builds via Twitter. When someone with a modicum of fame—and 100K or more followers—expresses disgust towards a person or thing (Brown, in this case), it incites the masses to jump on the bully’s side of the line in the dirt. So rarely is this due to the followers having the same misgivings about the target of the hatred; more often than not they just want to earn a spot at the cool table by identifying this target as something they share with the bully. “I hate him too! I’m just like you! Accept me!” After all, if the cool kids are doing it, then you should be doing it too, right? And if multiple bullies attack the outcast, it only snowballs. It’s much easier to join the crowd in jeering Chris Brown, and to castigate him for one reprehensible episode, than it is to set down the torch and pitchfork and allow him space to try to rehabilitate the mental or emotional illness that caused that episode.

Perhaps this is the chunk of the whole “Chris Brown at the Grammys” mess that has provoked the most irritation for me. So much of the aggressive and derisive sentiment isn’t being spoken truly because the people behind the iPhones and keyboards hate Chris Brown. They may hate his attack on Rihanna (as do I); they may hate the sexist, misogynistic overtones of such attacks (as do I); they may hate that his fame likely shielded him from a much harsher punishment following his conviction (as do I). But aside from those pieces, he’s really just a news story to them. He’s a talking point, an edgy joke to be shared with others in the hope that one might fit in with the same society of which Brown himself was once a prominent figure. That so many comedians and B-list actors are participating in this public game of H.O.R.S.E. on a six-foot-high hoop is more telling of their need for attention than it is of the severity of Brown’s act. What percentage of these pseudo-celebs and Twitter-demagogues are contributing their time and excessive (for non-Hollywood standards) earnings to women’s shelters, domestic abuse awareness programs, and other relevant charities? Which is more sensible as a sentient member of modern society: Catty jokes on Twitter, or taking tangible action to help the millions of victims of the same abuse that you’re using to fuel your aspirations of being Twitter’s prom kings and queens? When did chastising the guilty become a more pertinent piece of the puzzle than aiding the innocent? And when did working to prevent future crimes against humanity take a backseat to being the cleverest “Mean Girl”?

Certainly Brown has done little in the way of handling the criticism and snarky jokes very well. His juvenile responses to his critics—especially on Twitter—have only added rocket fuel to the fire. When I was young and had trouble with bullies, my mom suggested I ignore them. It always seemed like something that was easier said than done. I felt as though I was handcuffing myself while my enemies took shots at me, and that my silence was having little effect in response. I would always get to a point where I felt that, whether I retaliated or not, my attacker was going to keep saying and doing what he felt like to me and my pride. Sometimes the higher road just seems like a dead end. Brown has been a poster child for this frustration. And as the high and mighty have stood around him shoving away, he’s given into the temptation to shove back—which, in the realm of public opinion and media spin, is never going to garner you anything other than more of what you’re already getting.

Here’s the fun part, though: I’m just as guilty as the other bullies and hero worshippers. I’ve taken pot shots at Chris on this page on several occasions, and even sent off a random tweet at the outset of Sunday’s shitstorm. As I watched the stakes escalate, though…well, I’ve already gone into that. But looking back at it all now, I honestly feel ashamed. I wonder: Will the Twitter bullies ever stop to acknowledge that same embarrassment?

Again, I say all of this with no intention of defending Chris Brown’s crime. And, for the record, he doesn’t seem very interested in defending it either. In all that I (or any of the bullies) have been given on which to base opinion, he’s actually showed remorse. He understands that he has a penance to pay for what he’s done. And if he was afforded time to focus on his personal betterment and his career—because, after all, music and performing are his career, and doing such at the Grammys is therefore quite natural—he might be fine. Working means being able to take your mind off of your demons and past mistakes for brief periods of time, and that can do wonders when one is attempting to find salvation. Rihanna herself has forgiven Brown, and is even currently working on a song with him. In other words, the only other person with a truly righteous understanding of the very event that has millions of strangers playing god with Chris Brown’s character and psyche is saying, “Let’s move on. Prove to me you can be better, Chris.”

But who cares what she thinks?

Monday Kickstart: #WhyILoveTwitter

2012-02-20T06:00:00.000-08:00

You rang? RT @TheRealRoseanne: it must be asked: WHO THE FUCK IS MORE TRILL THAN ME, BITCHES??
— Bun B (@BunBTrillOG) February 19, 2012

Stay in your lane, Roseanne.

And, for this week's reason to care, I give you Miss Jessica Red (from T.I.T.S. Blog):

I usually don't care for girls with a lot of tattoos, but...I could make an exception. Let's get it.

Big Fans

2012-02-19T18:06:00.000-08:00

Here's a great skit from last night's Saturday Night Live (Maya Rudolph and Jay Pharoah kill).

Tail Report: Claudia Sampedro

2012-02-18T09:00:00.000-08:00

I'm a little late on the news (as usual), but Reggie Bush is/was all up in this like a play action fake. Nucca's my hero. I might draft him in the first round of my fantasy drafts this September, just because.

Ah, the perks of playing professional football in Miami. New York, Wisconsin, and Massachusetts teams might get the championship rings, but Florida teams get delicious Cuban mamis. I'd call that a serious "push".

It's Friday

2012-02-17T12:00:00.000-08:00

Time to go H.A.M....

Tail Report: Kate Beckinsale

2012-02-16T11:59:00.000-08:00

Remember when I said she was a vanilla scoop of MILFalicious? Yeah, I stand by that opinion. Keep in mind, this is a 38-year-old mom.

Garrett with the assist.

Throwback Thursday: "The Theme (It's Party Time)" -- Tracey Lee

2012-02-16T10:00:00.001-08:00

Just feels appropriate, with Mardi Gras kicking into gear in Nawlins.

Thou Hath Had a Good Day

2012-02-16T08:31:00.000-08:00

Time for a little historical hoo ride.

Crispus Attucks 'Today Was a Good Day' with Wayne Brady, JB Smoove & Michael Kenneth Williams from Wayne Brady

TJ with the assist.

Don't Get it Twisted

2012-02-15T14:05:00.000-08:00

Kim Kardashian is vapid at best, outright conniving and ruthless in the quest of her own self-promotion at worst. She used a special needs boy by the name of Kris Humphries, extracting his pride from him through contrived "reality" programming (actually, "programmed reality" is the best and most succinct way of describing her E! show), all for ratings and expensive wedding gifts, and then 72 days later tossed away the empty shell of his public persona like a Carl's Jr. cup out the window of a Mercedes doing 80 on the PCH.

She sought pop stardom, despite the fact that she wouldn't make it past an American Idol tryout without help from her name and/or her mama's machinations. And when it became vividly evident—via a music video that would make Rebecca Black cringe—this pursuit was destined to end in failure, she attempted to bury the body as far away from the media's eye as possible.

Her character has become the caged cart at a driving range, with a line of comedians and Twitter hacks teeing off every time she passes. While Kim’s “storybook” marriage was ending amid a storm of bad press and floundering public opinion, Reggie Bush—the more miserable party at the onset of their breakup years ago—was experiencing a rejuvenation of his career in Miami, enjoying an autumn of entirely positive press for the first time since coming to the NFL. Not surprisingly, shortly thereafter it “leaked” from sources “close to Kim” that she still longed for the two to reunite. And, not surprisingly, Bush was publicly silent in regards to these rumors, keeping himself far away from the publicity vampire before she could feed off of him once again (this time in the thick night air of South Beach).

And yet, despite all of this…

Yup, I’d still hit. I may even wife it, for like…a weekend. Maybe two. Scream at me.

German Chocolate

2012-02-15T11:35:00.001-08:00

Personally, I tear up a plate of beets every time I go to the Hofbrauhaus.

Key and Peele

F.O.H.: Ultimate Tazer Ball

2012-02-15T06:58:00.000-08:00

TJ with the assist.

Auto Eroticism: BMW M6

2012-02-13T12:53:00.000-08:00

The latest generation of BMW's premiere muscle car is (almost) here.

From Top Gear:

It's the second M car to get the very highly pumped 4.4-litre twin-turbocharged V8 engine - first seen on the rather smashing new M5 - and therefore boasts 552bhp and 502lb ft of torque. That's more power than the Jaguar XKR-S. Power, naturally, goes to the rear wheels via a seven-speed M double clutch gearbox with launch control.

As such, BMW quotes a 0-62mph time of 4.2 seconds for the Coupe, and 4.3 seconds for the Convertible, 0-124mph in 12.6 seconds (13.1s for the drop-top) and the option of a 189mph top speed with the ‘M Driver's Package'.

Despite this herculean power and acceleration, BMW still reckons the Coupe will return 28.5mpg, though we suspect anyone achieving this hasn't really got the point of a twin-turbo V8. There's a carbon-fibre reinforced plastic roof for the coup', start-stop, and other Efficient Dynamics stuff, which brings CO2 emissions to 232g/km (239g/km for the convertible).

...Inside, there's lots of M badging, some leather, carbon fibre strips, illuminated sills and some digital assistants including lane departure warning, surround view, night vision with pedestrian recognition (do you really need a computer to tell you what a human looks like?) and Internet access. You might like to think of it as a 1,850kg, 552bhp Facebook app. Update your status to "BMW M6 is sideways".

The most interesting part of the numbers above is the 28.5 mpg estimation. That's roughly 16 mpg more than the previous M6 pulled. If that's anywhere near being accurate, I'd consider that one hell of an achievement by BMW's engineers.

The cost of all of this fantasticness? Approximately $150,000. There but by the grace of PowerBall go I.

My boy Armo with the heads-up.

Vehicle for Expression

2012-02-13T11:10:00.000-08:00

If you're looking to add a few touches to the walls of your place, Movie Car Posters.com can help you out with some serious wall swag. Not just restricted to movies (or cars), they've taken your favorite vehicles from both the big and small screens and artistically silhouetted them against themed backdrops. The resulting posters are both fun and impressively artistic...and maybe a tad hipsterish, but that stink should wear off relatively quickly. Then you just have a cool decoration that shines in your pimped-out room.

A few of my personal favorites:

The A-Team

Transformers

Top Gun

TJ with the assist.

Tail Report: 2012 Grammy Awards

2012-02-13T07:10:00.000-08:00

My cousin was actually at the ceremony in L.A. last night, which means I'm extremely jealous of him. Not so much about going to the show itself—that just seems like a big waste of time. But the afterparties...damn. O.C., we're going to have some words next time you're in Pittsburgh, Cuzzo.

Katy Perry
She somehow manages to look reserved here (even with the aquamarine hair), but that rackage just refuses to go silently into the night. Damn.

Chrissy Teigen
I really, really, really, really, really, really, really want to hate on John Legend right now. But I can't. The brother's a pimp.

Alicia Keys
...I CAN, however, hate on Swizz. Damn Alicia looks thicker these days. Maybe she's still carrying some of the baby weight, but...she's damn sure carrying it well. (Fuck you, Swizz.)

Taraji P. Henson
MILFalicious (chocolate edition)...

Kate Beckinsale
MILFalicious (vanilla edition)...

Flo-Rida's Date
The press apparently didn't bother to get her name. They were probably too busy staring at her, uhh...accessories. I'm sure that's also why no one asked why Flo-Rida was worthy of red carpet photogs.

Rihanna
Including a picture of Ri-Ri almost feels mandatory anymore. Not that it isn't still totally worth it. Damn girl.

Video: Childish Gambino -- "Heartbeat"

2012-02-13T06:35:00.000-08:00

Here's something to power you through the start to your workweek: The latest single from Gambino's Camp. Once again, Donald Glover's artistic mind draws out a more abstract, cinematic view of the theme behind the song, and not so much on the song itself.

As for the song, though, I can say this: When I first heard it, it didn't really win me over. It seemed like just a cool little track about a girl, nothing that I would've put in the top half when ranking the tracks on Camp. But one night, on about the 10th or 11th rotation of the CD over my car's stereo, I suddenly caught on to the composition of the beat, and the complexity he achieved by weaving it in so tightly with both the momentum of his flow and the context of his lyrics in each verse. Now I think it may be his most polished track on the album.

Monday Kickstart: Coolest Grandpas on the Block

2012-02-13T06:00:00.000-08:00

Don't you kind of wish you were in on this conversation? Rackt suggested Arnold was teaching Sly how to work your way up to a shocker. I find that unbelievable—you can't tell me Sly never pulled out the old shocker on Brigitte Nielsen's Amazonian ass back in the day. Whatever they were talking about, I can guarantee you this: Even in this state, they each still could've beat the ever-loving-shit out of you if you had dared to interrupt.

And now for the inspirational portion of our weekly show, we give you Miss Jessica Burciaga (#schoolboycrush):

Te amo, mami. Let's get it.

Tail Report: Janina Gavankar

2012-02-11T11:00:00.000-08:00

Apparently she's on True Blood? I don't know. All I do know, is that I'd let her suck my

—What's that, Kev? What? Nah, nah, nah, I was going to say "blood", man. Damn.

*cough*

It's the Weekend

2012-02-10T12:00:00.000-08:00

Time to take that weak shit elsewhere...

One Mic

2012-02-10T09:41:00.000-08:00

Have you been watching Key & Peele? You probably should be.

Key and Peele

Ironic Beginnings

2012-02-09T11:40:00.001-08:00

A look back at social media today, through the eyes of hipsters. (Found by my girl Yum.)

Video: Jay-Z & Kanye West -- "Ni**as in Paris"

2012-02-09T10:27:00.000-08:00

(Am I the only one who thought this was the follow-up to "1 Night in Paris" when he first heard about it? No? ...*cough* Uhh...)

Be prepared, this might short-circuit your brain.

Throwback Thursday: "Paparazzi" -- Xzibit

2012-02-09T10:00:00.000-08:00

I'm still a little mad that I never got a chance to spit over this instrumental on my crew's mixtape. One of the all-time most slept-on joints right here.

Tail Report: Brittany Binger

2012-02-08T13:10:00.000-08:00

I don't know much about Ms. Binger, aside from that she was Playboy's Miss June 2007. But I'm def eager to learn more.

My favorite picture of this smoking hot beauty is just a tad too risque for CS standards. You may not think so at first, but if you look closely... Like I really had to tell you to, right?

FLOTUS Like a Butterfly, Sting Like a Bee

2012-02-07T16:52:00.000-08:00

Here's an excerpt from my phone conversation with my old man today.

Dad: "So long as [President Obama] doesn't do anything stupid before election day, like beat on Michelle, he should be okay."

Me: "Well, yeah, he'd have other things to worry about..."

Dad: "He'd have to deal with me. I'd have to go up to Washington and teach him some manners."

Me: "I don't even think you'd have to—Michelle can handle herself. If he slapped her around, he'd be on a cart being pulled up Pennsylvania Ave LONG before the election."

Dad: "A woman that we walk with at the track told me, 'Michelle Obama isn't attractive.' I said, 'Hater.'"

(For the record, that's a 75-year-old man calling someone a "hater." Don't ever wonder where I get it from.)

Next Level

2012-02-07T16:17:00.000-08:00

Diplomacy is always better than violence. But, if you have to shoot a fair one, stick to the fisticuffs...especially in the future.

The homie Serge with the assist.

Through the Looking Glass (Kids Version)

2012-02-07T14:41:00.000-08:00

Corning has released a follow-up to their earlier video showing their vision of the future. This time, they looked at a day in the life of kids in the future. TJ's already having a drink over how much this shit's going to cost him.

Monday Kickstart: "They don't make 'em like they used to! Do they, eh? Eh, Batsy?"

2012-02-06T06:00:00.000-08:00

From lulzshirts.

Damn, homie. Just...damn. And since I've been thinking about Halle in the Catwoman suit all weekend (don't ask), let's leave it to her to provide your workweek motivation.

Let's get it.

Sausage Party

2012-02-03T13:00:00.000-08:00

I like where her head's at. And judging by the smile on her co-anchor's face, her mind was way ahead of that.

Call me, ladies.

It's the Weekend

2012-02-03T12:00:00.000-08:00

Time to get your point across...

Behind the Lyrics

2012-02-03T07:52:00.000-08:00

Life + Times' "Decoded" series recently took a look at Common's "The Believer", as well as his verse from Blackstarr's "Respiration"—which I've embedded below. It's always interesting to hear firsthand what the thought process was behind an artist's rhymes. Definitely worth the watch.

DECODED: Common "The Believer" & "Respiration"

Throwback Thursday: "Ms. Fat Booty" -- Mos Def

2012-02-02T10:00:00.000-08:00

"Ass so fat that you can see it from the FRONT"

I'm still looking for this chick. Ironic part about that line above is, about a month before this album was released, my boy E said the very same thing about a girl in the mall. It's like Mos was listening in on our convo. (#ICare)

White Women's Workout

2012-02-02T08:03:00.000-08:00

Ladies, having trouble working off those extra pounds? Let Ty Bowman (or me, if you live in Shadyside) help you out with this revolutionary new workout plan.

My homegirl Rackt with the assist.

Taking It Higher

2012-02-01T13:32:00.000-08:00

Here's an interesting piece by Life + Times about up-and-coming artist Najee the 1 and producer DB2.

Inspired by the shift in hip-hop to explore production beyond just beats, Uptown rapper Najee the 1 and Queens producer Daniel Bazan Jr., a.k.a DB2 have endeavored to imbue their debut album, Settle For Greatness, with progressive sounds and classical instrumentation. Here, Life + Times documents the process of recontextualizing a genre, as DB2 leads a four-piece orchestra at New York University, producing a fitting soundscape for Najee the 1’s streetwise raps.

You can go here to listen to the duo's first release, "Elevated".

R.I.P. Don Cornelius

2012-02-01T09:40:00.001-08:00

The world has lost a legend; Mr. Cornelius will forever be missed and remembered warmly. Our condolences to his family and friends.

A Teaspoon of Regret

2012-02-01T09:32:00.000-08:00

smh.

Flight Time: Blake Griffin

2012-01-30T21:29:00.000-08:00

Remember when everyone was impressed with LeBron's dunk? Blake Griffin had something to say about that tonight: "Fuck yo couch."

Kendrick Perkins may need a support group after this one.

Flight Time: LeBron James

2012-01-30T10:59:00.000-08:00

I think this video is as painful for lifelong-Bulls-fan TJ as it is for John Lucas. Damn...

Monday Kickstart: Pig & Frog - 1, Fox - 0 (Bell - 100)

2012-01-30T07:43:00.000-08:00

How far has the Sly Fox fallen in credibility? It's gone from being a lyrical target of legendary emcee Nas, to being mocked (in passing, no less) by Muppets.

And as fine as Miss Piggy is, I figure you'd probably like something a little more incentivizing to get your workweek off and running. So how about this little tidbit from last night's "House of Lies"?

Keep doing what you're doing, Kristen. Let's go.

It's Friday

2012-01-27T12:00:00.000-08:00

Time to knuckle up...

F.O.H.: Fur & Feather "Bikini" Glamour

2012-01-27T10:13:00.000-08:00

As spotted on Buzzfeed:

Right Tool for the Job

2012-01-27T09:07:00.000-08:00

Wait...what?

Listen carefully, or you might miss it: This reporter just let a little bit of his ghettoness out.

TJ with the assist.

Throwback Thursday: "All Falls Down" -- Kanye West

2012-01-26T10:00:00.000-08:00

Still a great track from Ye's first album, but I'll be honest: my real reason for choosing this video was the chance to put Stacey Dash on the page again. I'd post her up everyday if I could (...yup).

Leadership

2012-01-25T17:00:00.000-08:00

You can say what you want to about Ray Lewis. But no other player of this generation is this powerful of a leader. This speech was recorded this past Sunday, after the Ravens' heartbreaking loss to New England in the AFC Championship game.

UPDATE: *sigh* The NFL can suck me. Why they feel the need to keep game footage (and now postgame footage? The fuck?) off YouTube is beyond me, since it's not like they lose any money if fans watch clips somewhere other than on their own servers. And not only do they have a horrible web media device, they don't let you embed it on your own site! The best I can do is provide you this link, and apologize on behalf of common sense. Consider this a "F.O.H." post-within-a-post. To the NFL's social media "gurus": Find a new career, because you are absolutely terrible at your current one. Fuck outta here.

Stalkerazzi: Eniko

2012-01-25T16:31:00.000-08:00

Kevin Hart's doing it right. I'm about five months late on this but... Here's a few pics of the ever-popular comedian and his girlfriend, Eniko.

Not bad, Kev. I see you, playboy.

Download: Joe Budden -- "No Church in the Wild"

2012-01-25T14:29:00.000-08:00

New fire from Joey.

Emperors of Comedy

2012-01-25T11:36:00.000-08:00

Start saving ticket money now (and maybe hotel money; if it happens, there's no guarantee that they'll come to your city). Chris Rock and Dave Chappelle are rumored to be considering a joint tour.

From Bossip:

Chris recently talked about the potential tour as he stopped at The Sundance Film Festival:
“I’ve been talking to Chappelle a lot. Been trying to get Chappelle to go on tour. You know I’m not the hard one laughing. But I’m trying to make that happen. After seeing Kanye and Jay-Z, I was like, ‘Me and Dave should do this.’
Hell yeah! Rock doesn’t have a name for the tour yet, but he’s probably open to suggestions, right?”

Sign me the fuck up right now. I've seen Chappelle live, and he's as good or better than he is on TV. And I would have to assume Rock is just as good live. Let's make this happen, boys.

Tail Report: Dannielle Michelle

2012-01-25T08:54:00.000-08:00

Dannielle was T.I.T.S. Blog's "Cutie of the Week" two weeks ago, and I still haven't recovered. This girl is straight fire. And she can cook, too? Wifey.

Dannielle Michelle was born and raised in Miami, FL and earned her BA in marketing at Florida Atlantic University. She recently made the move to Las Vegas where she plans on opening a cupcake boutique at some point in the near future. Her whole life people have assumed she was Latina even though she is mixed with Vietnamese, Chinese and White.

I'm suddenly having some very unsanitary thoughts involving cupcake icing...

F.O.H.: iPad Case by Fleshlight

2012-01-24T13:08:00.000-08:00

From Gizmodo:

The iPad's a darn attractive gadget, but that 30-pin connector ain't made for love. That's why this Fleshlight-holding iPad case concept caught our eye. Imagine all the things you could pretend to have sex with! And it turns out, it's not just some crazy, er, pipe dream. It, or something like it, is coming soon.

The Kobe System

2012-01-24T06:23:00.001-08:00

The Kobe System ads have been okay so far, but this one is quality, thanks to Aziz Ansari.

TJ with the assist.

F.O.H.: Parenting

2012-01-23T13:55:00.000-08:00

Stand and Deliver: Kevin Hart

2012-01-23T11:40:00.000-08:00

A quick clip about slanguage from Kev's "Grown Little Man".

Working It

2012-01-23T09:09:00.000-08:00

When life hands you lemons, you make lemonade. And if you're a cop in the Philippines, and those lemons are being stuck with traffic duty, well...

Monday Kickstart: Gina Carano Will Fucking Kill You

2012-01-23T08:20:00.000-08:00

There's just so much to love about this picture:

Serial sleazebag Mario Lopez getting choked out by the most dangerous woman on the planet.
A crowd of onlookers watching with a level of glee typically reserved for buzzer-beating three point shots in the NCAA Tourney.
I mean, seriously, look how ecstatic the cute Asian girl on the right is.
The distinct possibility that being choked out by Gina Carano in front of a cheering crowd is actually bringing Lopez to climax.
The distinct possibility that the blonde woman in red is locked in on physical evidence that Lopez is enjoying being choked out.
The distinct possibility that Carano, too, knows Lopez is about to climax, and as a result is conflicted about whether or not to keep squeezing

The only thing I don't love about this picture is that it may be the least attractive photo of Carano that I've ever seen. And since you just can't start a workweek without a little eye candy, I feel the need to rectify this:

You're welcome. Let's get it.

It's the Weekend

2012-01-20T12:00:00.000-08:00

Time to get down on it...

Happy Birthday Ms. Dash

2012-01-20T08:17:00.000-08:00

The beautiful and talented Stacey Dash turns 45 today.

Seriously, 4-5. Women half as old would kill to look this good.

No More Sparkles

2012-01-20T08:03:00.001-08:00

Friends don't let friends be that girl. ...Of course, friends also don't videotape that girl and then put her on YouTube.

My girl TD with the assist.

MegaUH-OH

2012-01-19T13:41:00.000-08:00

It just became a little more difficult to download free music on the internet.

From Gizmodo:

Mixtape mecca and openair piracy expo Megaupload has a serious problem: it's just been shut down by the feds. The feds. And they didn't even need SOPA!

The federal indictment accuses Megaupload—which shocked the internet with the revelation that rap producer Swizz Beatz is for some reason its CEO—of over $500 million in lost media revenue from hosting pirated media. They had quite a run, though! Megaupload boasted "more than 150 million registered users, 50 million daily visitors and accounting for four percent of the total traffic on the Internet," according to the DoJ.

If you thought the new music posts here at CS had become scarce in the past...

Water Blockin'

2012-01-19T13:18:00.000-08:00

Now, for around $60 (plus s&h), your phone can be safe when it falls out of your shirt pocket and into the ice water in the cooler at this summer's cookouts.

From The Huffington Post:

According to Cult of Mac, Liquipel doesn't just protect your phone from rain or random splashes, it permeates every nook and cranny in the hardware to for total H2O immersion without any damage. On their website, the folks at Liquipel are quick to point out that this doesn't mean you can take your phone swimming. The coating, which is 1000 times thinner than a human hair, is meant to protect against "rain, spills, baby drool and short term submersion such as the sink or toilet."

Send your iPhone or Droid (though there are exceptions; the approved list of models is currently small, but growing daily) to Liquipel, and they'll apply the waterproofing science over the course of 1-2 days, and then ship it back to you. The innovative company is also attempting to license this technology to phone manufacturers, which means in the future your phone could come straight from the factory waterproofed and ready to go.

I wonder if this stuff works against beer?

Respect My Gangsta: Warren Buffet

2012-01-19T12:36:00.000-08:00

From The Huffington Post:

The famed investor joined other huge names like Ashanti, Russell Simmons and Spike Lee last night at the re-opening of his pal Jay Z's Manhattan club 40/40. At the party, the 81-year-old, best known for his financial savvy, rocked Jay Z's diamond sign.

This isn't the first time that the two super rich men have been spotted together. Jay-Z made an appearance in an episode of Buffett's "Secret Millionaires Club," an animated series about a group of youngsters led by Buffett as they tackle financial emergencies. In the video, the husband of Beyonce and father of Blue Ivy Carter schools the kids on giving back.

The two also appeared together in an interview with Forbes in 2010 where they discussed the secrets of their success. Both touched on the value in having a wealth of experience and trusting their gut.

Billionaire Boys Club.

Throwback Thursday: "I Know What You Want" -- Busta Rhymes ft. Flipmode Squad & Mariah Carey

2012-01-19T10:00:00.000-08:00

Sound quality on this one ain't so great, but you get what you pay for... This was a lowkey (despite the obvious commercial appeal) track, definitely something good for bumping on the way to the club or bar. Mariah was still looking fierce back then (2003), but she looks plain as hell next to the object of Busta's video-vixen desire (Lashontae Heckard, looking like straight fire).

I've got to give the production team some props for making a video that's cinematic without being overwrought (*cough*Diddy*cough*), even if it doesn't jive completely with the track's subject matter.

Through the Looking Glass

2012-01-19T08:17:00.000-08:00

This is on some Minority Report shit: A look into the potential future involving technology built with glass. Personally, I'm not one of those people who feel that there's already too much intrusion upon our lives by electronics and that we as a society needs to "unplug", but... About halfway through this video, things start to feel a little overwhelming. Though I'm sure the ladies out there will enjoy the vision of fashion and shopping in the future that Corning has imagined.

My boy Hollywood with the assist.

Toys R Me

2012-01-18T12:17:00.000-08:00

*dead*

Toys R Me with Lance Reddick from Lance Reddick

What's Up Doc?

2012-01-18T11:54:00.000-08:00

I'm suddenly feeling a lot of love for Rachel Bilson.

Call Me Doctor with Rachel Bilson from Rachel Bilson

Punch it Up

2012-01-17T16:06:00.000-08:00

With the average age demographic of "Jeopardy!" contestants shifting from one generation to the next, I wouldn't be too surprised to see more gaffes like this one as the years go on. I mean, in all honesty, I probably would've come up with the same answer as this guy.

Life Ain't Fair

2012-01-17T13:53:00.000-08:00

Know why? Because when Dwyane Wade, who by age 29 has already been blessed with ridiculous athleticism, a sweet gig as the starting point guard for the biggest sports franchise in Miami (of all cities!), an NBA championship, and Gabrielle-hot-as-fiyah-Union for a girlfriend, finally turned 30—that turning point which most of us meet with angst and trepidation—he was given a brand new McLaren MP4-12C.

Let me state that again: Wade was GIVEN a new McLaren. The superstar, millionaire, A-list-Hollywood-actress-tagging NBA player was handed the keys to a beautiful, top-of-the-game $230,000 supercar, free of charge. Think about that long and hard. And then try to sleep tonight.

TJ with the assist.

Mind Blowing

2012-01-16T21:21:00.000-08:00

You may have spotted this new Old Spice ad during the playoff games on Saturday. And you may have nearly wet yourself from laughter. I know I almost did.

It's the Weekend

2012-01-13T12:00:00.000-08:00

Time get in touch with your feelings...

Stand and Deliver: Donald Glover

2012-01-13T09:37:00.000-08:00

[Let's see how long I can keep these "Stand and Deliver" posts going this time...they sort of petered out a couple of years ago.]

Ever notice how there's only a one-letter difference between "KIDS" and "AIDS"? Donald Glover has. From his Comedy Central special, "Weirdo".

Donald Glover: Weirdo

Donald Glover - Kids Positive

www.comedycentral.com

Comedy Central

Funny Videos

Funny TV Shows

Big Tweet (Redux)

2012-01-12T12:34:00.001-08:00

A year ago today, we brought you the original Funny Or Die clip. Now, thanks to producer Tanya Ryno, we give you the full-length, extended cut. As great at the first one was, the added material takes this video to all new levels. Holla at me, Big Tweet.

Naked Ambition

2012-01-12T11:30:00.000-08:00

Although I question the need to further convince the world that "fur" is bad, I still applaud the lengths to which Ms. Munn will go to get her point across.

[P.S.: GotDAMN, girl... Call me.]

Karma's a Motha

2012-01-12T11:14:00.000-08:00

No words. It's all just too much. Make sure you watch until the very end, though. And let it be a reminder that the universe is watching.

Throwback Thursday: "Nuff Respect" -- Big Daddy Kane

2012-01-12T10:00:00.000-08:00

'92 was a hell of a year. Juice is still one of my all-time favorite flicks.

I'm Jus' Sayin'

2012-01-12T08:40:00.000-08:00

The new Key & Peele show on Comedy Central (premieres 1/31) is looking promising.

Respect My Gangsta: Sofia Walker

2012-01-11T15:09:00.000-08:00

You've probably seen it by now, but if not: This 3 year old girl is more gangsta than most people ten times her age.

Video: Trae Tha Truth ft. MDMA, Lupe Fiasco, Big Boi, Wale, & Wiz Khalifa -- "I'm On"

2012-01-10T11:46:00.000-08:00

This shit's fresher than a newborn. TJ with the assist.

Glory

2012-01-09T10:19:00.000-08:00

Don't know if you heard, but Mr. Carter had a bit of good news this weekend.

Glory feat. B.I.C.

Boats & Hoes

2012-01-09T10:10:00.000-08:00

Kevin Hart is a damn nut. Here's his latest "Chocolate Droppa" freestyle. #RealRapRaw

The Lion King Rises

2012-01-09T09:54:00.000-08:00

Great mashup of the latest Dark Knight trailer and Simba's rise to gangstaness.

It's Friday

2012-01-06T12:00:00.000-08:00

Time to do what you like...

Donda Dreamin'

2012-01-06T09:32:00.000-08:00

What would an ad for Donda (Kanye's new design firm) look like? Jimmy Kimmel thinks he has an answer.

Tail Report: Justene Jaro

2012-01-05T13:19:00.000-08:00

I mean... I... I... *choked up with ~~lust~~ love*

Oh, and if you're jealous of me and Justene's thing, don't worry homie: She's got a sister.

Customer Appreciation

2012-01-05T12:42:00.000-08:00

Xmas is over, but if you're looking for a gift for me, well... Give me a ticket to wherever this factory is (no need to actually buy me the drawers).

Throwback Thursday: "Microphone Fiend" -- Eric B. & Rakim

2012-01-05T10:48:00.001-08:00

Fuck yes.

Flight Time: Anthony Davis

2012-01-04T08:31:00.000-08:00

This is why you don't challenge a freshman 1st team All-American player when your nickname is "Carrot Top".

"Thinner. Lighter. Faster. Facetime..."

2012-01-04T06:58:00.000-08:00

Garrett with the assist.

Love Hurts

2012-01-03T21:36:00.001-08:00

Some may question the authenticity of this scene--I even did, on my very first viewing. After all, people will do just about anything that they think will go viral, just for some temporary internet fame and maybe a shot at making Tosh.0. But whether this guy's anguish is real or scripted, the fact remains that this is a supreme example of why you should never, ever, ever, EVER propose on an arena/stadium jumbotron. I don't care how cool you THINK it is, homie. Even if she says yes, she'll never respect you again, and it's going to be a short marriage (I've seen the evidence in real life, trust).

The Glamour Life

2012-01-03T10:39:00.000-08:00

Ever wish you were living the true Playboy lifestyle? The iconic mens' mag has just announced a contest that will give the lucky winner that experience for an entire year.

As incredible as it would be to win this, can you imagine how f'd it will feel once the year is over?